The Kind of Person I Don't Want to Be

Maybe I'm just lonely, still in this season of building community. Maybe I've encountered too many bad examples lately, or maybe I'm just feeling a bit snarky amidst this never-ending winter and tumultuous political climate. Whatever it is, I've been reflecting on the type of person I do NOT want to be.

• The kind of person who whines about meetings/conferences/trainings/etc. before they even begin - I know I'm a nerd, but few things rile me up faster than someone complaining about how they "won't get anything out of it" before a meeting or training even begins. I'm forever biting my tongue from saying, "You get out whatever you put in." My thought process has always been that if I have to be somewhere, I'm going to work as hard as necessary to take all that I can from the experience. And, about ten years into going to meetings, I can say I always have. Part of that requires an open mind. One has to be willing to be creative about how they might apply what they learn.

• The kind of person who doesn't say something when others face tragedy. Or worse, the kind who makes someone else's tragedy about them - I still remember the people who showed up for me when my mom died 5 years ago, and the ones who did 3 years after that when my dad died. Tragedy and grief can be incredibly isolating. While everyone else gets the much more preferable worry of not knowing what to say, the ones met with the tragedy have to navigate true heartbreak. I know it can be scary to potentially say the wrong thing, but nothing one says can take away that pain. So a simple "I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you," is really all it takes. Don't let your people feel like you don't care or have forgotten about them in their sorrow. And my goodness, don't make it about you.

• The kind of person who can't remember the last time they laughed until they cried. For me, it was today, thanks to my fifth graders and a game called The Vegetable Game, which involves saying vegetable names without showing teeth. Living playfully and joyfully comes naturally to kids, and I wonder if that's not a demonstration of God's intentionality yet again. We, as children, seek fun first, and maybe that means it's one of the most important pieces of life.

• The kind of person who squashes the enthusiasm of others. It doesn't matter what gets you excited. Doesn't it stink when someone immediately tells you all the reasons not to be?! The best example of this is when "expert/experienced" parents tell new parents the classic, "Just you wait until you never sleep again/your baby learns to walk/your kid talks back to you/etc.). I want to strive to always encourage people during the season they're in.

• The kind of person who doesn't say please or hold the door for others. Omitting the little, considerate things we should do for others leads to a sense of entitlement. Regardless of money or status or anything, no one owes us anything. It's our job as citizens of the world to care for and serve others. Saying please and holding the door are the kind of things that you don't necessarily notice other people doing, but you certainly notice when they don't.

• The kind of person who speaks more than they listen. We all know the type. Conversations quickly turn one sided, any small response elicits yet another rambling story or explanation. Eventually the "victim" of this type of conversation leaves or falls silent. Ugh, how desperately I want to listen and really hear others, instead.

• The kind of person who is incapable of apologizing or admitting when they're wrong. Anyone who has it ALL figured out is lying. Part of that figuring out means fumbling and doing things wrong. And the only way to right our wrongs is to admit them, apologize, learn, and move on.

What kind of person do you want to be? Sometimes the best starting point is thinking about who we don't want to be.

-J