Surviving Small Talk

It's no secret that nobody likes small talk. It can be so exhausting to have the same, routine conversations over and over again. "What do you do?" "Where do you live?" "How are you liking the weather?" Blah blah blah. But small talk, or those seemingly insignificant conversations matter. They connect us to strangers and loved ones alike. They help us to feel seen and can bring such sweet joy to otherwise ordinary moments.

Like with most things, small talk is what you make it. It's always better if you choose to have the right attitude about it. Look at those conversations as an opportunity to learn from others, connect to others, and come away a better person.

Maybe it's my time in a sorority in college, where conversations with strangers were a routine part of gaining new members. Or maybe it's that I work to help kids gain social skills through conversations all day. Or maybe because I live in one of the world's friendliest communities. But I've started to really appreciate small-talk-type conversations in my daily moments. Here are some things that I think make small talk not only bearable but delightful:

• Smile. It seems insignificant and like it should be natural, but we forget how powerful a smile is. It feeds a subconscious need, like our innate need for connection.

• Be original. The conversation topics don't have to be original, but your responses can be. Unique responses can lead the conversation in an unexpected direction, which might give new energy to the other participant(s).

• Start fresh. Whoever you're talking to doesn't need to carry the weight of any tough elements in your day or life. They don't owe you anything, and you have no idea what they're going through either. So always try to start fresh with a positive attitude, and things will go much better for everyone.

• Ask questions. When I ask the right questions and get the other person talking about something they're passionate about, the conversation takes such an uplifting turn for everyone involved. Those are some of my favorite moments as they provide the opportunity for some of that learning, magic, or personal betterment, that small talk lends itself to.

• Don't be afraid of saying the right (or wrong) thing. These kinds of conversations are rad because there's no pressure to say or do things in a way that will be well-received by others. You don't have to analyze (or over-analyze) how you're doing when talking about the weather. Take a breath; the burden is gone.

And if you think small talk doesn't matter, I want you to think again. The week my dad died unexpectedly, he and I met for lunch. He had been widowed three-ish years prior and lived alone. Before meeting me, he'd stopped for gas, where he had a sweet encounter with who he described as "the friendliest cashier." It had been his first interaction with another human being all day, and he said this person's positivity set him up to have a great day. This minor exchange probably wasn't even a blip on the other person's radar, but it meant the world to my dad. And in hindsight, knowing it was one of his last days, that interaction matters all the more.

Don't skimp on small talk. Don't avoid it or forget to see it as an opportunity to bring joy to someone else. You never know what your impact will be.

-J