My Favorite R&R: Routines & Rituals

There's a line in a song that I like that says, "Magic gets lost in the mundane." It's easy to subscribe to the idea that monotony squashes wonder and beauty. And yet, I've spent the better part of the last few years trying to establish routines in my daily life.

In my head, routines are defined as the things we do repeatedly, often at a specific time or following a specific pattern, whereas rituals are similar but with more meaning behind them. Being a practicing Catholic, I've found a lot of beauty in the rituals of the Church specifically, but having a life with routines and rituals has also brought me so much joy and comfort.

Maybe you've heard of Gretchen Rubin and the Four Tendencies. If not, it's a book about how we respond to internal and external expectations. According to her, it's something we're wired in individual ways for. I read the book after failing at yet another routine I'd tried to implement, and it rocked my world. I fall into the tendency of the rebel, meaning I have a tough time responding productively to both internal and external expectations. There's a lot of beauty to the rebellious tendency, and as I've learned more about myself, I've found ways to be successful with routines. Prior to reading and learning about myself as a rebel, I'd "fail" at something I was trying to do regularly, and it would destroy me. I've always liked routine and structure, so being able to figure out ways I can accomplish what I desire was huge.

Also, as a teacher, I get to see firsthand the power of well-implemented, meaningful routines. When we have routines established in my classroom, everything runs smoothly. The kids feel empowered and independent, and we're able to be productive and flexible, while still having loads of fun. It's the same thing for my personal life.

One of my favorite things about my relationship with Ben is that we make virtually everything a tradition. We're both huge quality time people, but we also feel exhausted from too much miniscule decision-making. So we turn things we both like into a ritual. One of my favorites is Saturday morning coffee/bakery dates. These are days we get moving early-ish so we can go buy a treat (and yes, we order the same things every single time). When we fall out of this seemingly insignificant routine because we're out of town or unable to make it happen, we both crave it so much.

Before we got married, one of my favorite routines for myself was what I (creatively) called Pizza Thursday, where I would make pizza and do my laundry. I looked forward to this so much that I have MULTIPLE entries in my writer's notebook about it. Ridiculous, I know. But the combining something I love (pizza) with something I had to do (laundry) brought a little magic. Then adding those two things to a specific day took all the pressure off. I didn't have to decide what I would be having for dinner or when I would do laundry. The decision was already made, and while that seems so small, it meant I had more energy to actually conquer the things that I needed.

And maybe that's what it's all about. Not only do routines and rituals allow us to add more magic and joy into our daily lives, but they also allow us to operate on autopilot and therefore conserve our energy for the things we want/need to do.

I think it's important not to confuse these r-words with rigidity or rigor. The routines and rituals in our lives should serve us, not the other way around. One of my biggest takeaways as a rebel is remembering that we don't need to strive for perfection, when something is habitual. If Ben and I don't get coffee on Saturdays, we don't fall apart. Maintaining flexibility is one of the only ways I can personally be successful in my routines. I don't want a life full of rules and unreachable expectations, but I do want a joyful, realistic one.

When I think back on my favorite memories from my life, the things that stand out most prominently are the things that were ritualistic or traditional. My mom taking us grocery shopping and out for lunch on Saturdays, Target runs with friends in college, and my dad training us to help as a part of his grilling routine are all things that became meaningful because they were repeated and predictable. Maybe magic only gets lost in the mundane when we forget why we're doing the things we're doing. Maybe all we need is a little bit of intention in the activities of our lives to unlock or preserve the magic, joy, ease, and comfort we all crave.

-J