Learning to Travel with Others

Once upon a time, Ben and I booked our honeymoon to a random cabin in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma. The nearest airport was three hours away. Our flight there was delayed, and it was nearly dark by the time our plane touched down. We still needed to drive three hours!

Of course we had to navigate a new-to-us city and find somewhere to eat, both feeling desperate to get settled after the chaos of our wedding. So NATURALLY the cabin was tough to find (peep the picture of the road sign we were supposed to see in the dark!). This led to both of us being short with each other, which was lame then but funny now.

There's something about travel that really tests relationships. With awareness, travel has the ability to strengthen those relationships instead of sever them.

One of my priorities for my life is to travel as much as possible. My dad always used to joke that I wanted to go everywhere, but he was right. That desire to experience as much of the world as I can means I've taken a lot of trips with different people, and I've learned a bit along the way.

Traveling with someone new

Any time I travel with someone new, I learn about the habits I've formed with other travel companions. For example, the first time I traveled with Ben, I didn't bring a brush. Having sisters and being the least likely to 1) pack well or 2) do my hair or makeup, I hadn't thought about how, unlike my sisters, Ben wouldn't be bringing a brush I could borrow. Another time I was traveling with a new friend (hi, Renae!) and realized that daily trips for ice cream were not a requirement of all girls' trips, just the ones I'd been on lately.

Self-awareness is even more important when traveling with someone for the first few times. When we travel, we've often invested money into the trip. That, coupled with knowing it might be the only opportunity we have to visit this place, can cause tensions and/or expectations to be high, which leads to conflict.

Conflict doesn't have to be an explosive argument; it can simply be unmet expectations or stifling emotions. Conflict isn't necessarily a bad thing; it's what causes that relationship deepening I mentioned earlier. It also can lead to great stories, like Ben and I trying to find that pesky sign in the middle of the night. However, navigating conflict takes finesse. Mishandled conflict can ruin a trip.

So how do we handle it? Self-awareness is key. We need to recognize and articulate what our hopes and dreams are for a trip as soon as possible. Once I realized that ice cream wasn't a requirement for girls' trips on my trip with Renae, I was able to adjust my expectations and be perfectly content with just one incredible ice cream outing in the three-day trip.

The best travel companions

I haven't had a bad trip ever in my life, but I know some people have. I also have "traditional" trips I take with a group of friends, and we've learned so much about traveling together over the years. Here are some things I love dearly about my very favorite travel companions:

• They take pictures. Kait, one of my friends from the group I take yearly trips with, deserves a special shout-out here. She is phenomenal at snapping candids. It's a unique experience to see snapshots of myself taking things in. When traveling with people, it's always fun to create a shared album (we use Google Photos) to add all your pictures from the trip to. We've started making a video to commemorate the trip too, which is perfect for when you're stuck in freezing February ND weather or just feeling a little stir crazy between trips.

• They're clear from the beginning planning stages what they hope for, what their fears are. Whenever planning, I always appreciate when my travel companions are upfront about what they want. In an ideal world, how would they spend their limited time in this place? As the trip inches closer and begins, they continue updating about these things.

• They stay calm when things don't go according to plan. Things rarely (never?) go according to plan, especially when traveling. But good travel companions are good at rolling with the punches. They adjust course and make the journey fun. After all, the unexpected is what creates the lasting memories we hope for.

• They don't overplan. Luckily, I've never traveled with anyone who shows up with a strict itinerary, but I think having one would create more chaos and make it more challenging to go with the flow.

• They push you out of your comfort zone. If traveling alone, I would be apprehensive to try things out of fear I wouldn't like them and would waste money or other resources. However, when traveling with my friends, they always encourage me by being willing to try along with me. Everything's more fun that way, and I'm such a better person because of the ways my friends have pushed me out of my comfort zone. I've been able to really experience many of the places I've gone because of that.

Being the best travel companion

Anyone who knows me knows that I can have a tough time functioning with others. I'm introverted and don't always handle sensory overload well. When traveling, an important thing for me is to squeeze in some quiet, alone time and be able to get quality sleep. Like many, I'm also a bear when I'm hungry, so I always pack an abundance of snacks (with VARIETY, this could be another blog post). Lastly, I'm a chronic under-packer, so I don't do a good job of helping my travel companions out in a pinch. However, I'm decently good at researching places ahead of time and finding good restaurants and coffee shops. We all have things that make us great to travel with and things that could present challenges. The key is being aware of those things and maximizing/minimizing them as we can. And the best way to become aware is to jump in and get traveling.

My hope is that everyone is able to find a way to access and prioritize more travel and more experiences. Learning to travel well with others can help make that possible. Don't be afraid to speak up for what you dream of and what you need. The memories and experiences are worth it.

-J